Losing It

I fear I’m unraveling.

Falling apart.

Coming loose at the seams.

 I used to be really on top of things. I always knew where everything was. Where I was supposed to be and when. If fact, I was so good at this I often helped to keep those around me up-to-date as well. Helpful or annoying, I was always busy.

If someone needed a form we had received at school a number of months ago (or even years, really) I could go to my file cabinet and produce it within seconds. If there was confusion as to where a meeting was I could reference my journal and provide the answer. The things I knew I would need next Tuesday were in an assigned spot waiting for me just behind the Monday things, the weekend things, and the Friday things.

Some call it anal retentiveness. Others call it madness. I call it organization and I was very good at it.

But not anymore.

In the past week I have lost both my i-pod and my back-up i-pod (yet again), Harper and Ainsley’s Girl Scout cookie money, both pairs of eyeglasses, and numerous materials at school. And as if that’s not bad enough I also left Ty at school one afternoon.  A pretty unimpressive week, I’d say.

To top this all off I drove Muluken to the ball fields on Saturday to have his picture taken with his baseball team. We don’t generally order individual or group pictures from the kids’ sports teams. However, Muluken really wanted a picture and we agreed. In the morning, before leaving, I made out the check, slid it into the picture envelope, and set it on the edge of the kitchen counter until we were ready to go.  Not surprisingly, when we got to the field and met his team I soon found that I didn’t have the envelope.

“That’s alright dad,” he assured me. “I can wait and get a picture next year.”

Gee, if I didn’t feel terrible enough already I definitely did now.  I shared my pain with a few other parents who explained to me that I could just grab another order form from the photographer and fill it out right there. This would have worked, too, if I were the type of guy who carried a wallet. Which I don’t. More often than you’d expect, this has been the topic of discussion with bank tellers, police officers, and most every other adult I’ve been stupid enough to tell.

Muluken waited until the other boys had their pictures taken to join them for the team photo. The photographer assured me that if I brought money later in the afternoon I could still order him a team photo. This was some measure of consolation.

A little later all the teams joined up on the ball field for their Opening Ceremonies.  After about twenty minutes of listening to speeches about how “success only comes before work in the dictionary” I leaned up against the outfield fence and slipped my hands into my the front pouch of my hoodie. 

Sure enough, there was the photo envelope.

That just about figures, I thought. Even when I have it together I don’t really.

I ran over to talk with the photographer and he agreed to let Muluken come straight over after the Opening Ceremonies to have his picture taken before his next scheduled team. I thanked him and confessed my stupidity. He half-chuckled and went back to smoking his cigarette and playing with his cell phone.

Walking back to find Muluken I felt a sense of relief. I had lost many things over the past week and even forgotten my own child at school. But this one I had fixed. Perhaps it would provide some momentum going into next week. Which would be nice because I don’t think I could stand to lose much more.  Being so disorganized and feeling behind these days, I fear the next thing I lose just might be my mind.