So, I've been MIA from the bloggerverse over the past couple of months. That's a really long time. I could blame in on the demands of teaching and parenting. I could shuffle my feet and mumble something about being so tired lately. I could probably think of a thousand excuses. If I had to.
In reality I've just been distracted by other things. While I have been awfully busy planning, grading, playing, cleaning, and driving the kids around, there has been time left for blogging. However, I've used these moments doing other things. Because things generally settle down and all work gets pushed aside around 9:00 in the evening, I've been watching television with Tricia until 10 and then going off to bed where I pull out my laptop to keep up with the trail journals of many of the hikers finishing their AT thru-hikes. Day by day I've been following along on their 2,180 mile trek from Springer Mountain, Georgia to Mount Katahdin, Maine. The only hikers left out there now are those who are walking south. Some started in Maine last summer and will soon finish on Springer Mountain. A few others have flip-flopped, having already walked the top of the trail as north bounders and are now finishing the southern states as south bounders.
Over the past few weeks I've been dropping in on a few random people. However, of those left out on the trail the only journal I've consistently kept up with is a young girl who calls herself Lost N Found. Her journey has been unique. Just a month or so ago she stopped her hike to work on a sustainable farm she happened across while on the trail. Her short apprenticeship offered her the opportunity to learn about sustainable farming while also offering new possibilities for what she will make of her life when she returns to the real world.
I checked her journal just a few minutes ago only to find she is about to make another choice that is quite unique within this community - she is going to stop journaling. This means with only 100 miles left she won't share her final few days or the thrill of finishing with those of us who have followed along for so long. However, to hear her explain why she has made this choice leaves me feeling more fulfilled than seeing that final summit pic ever could have. Here it is...
Today, I am thankful.
To be honest, I have had some difficulty writing lately, and even communicating with those at home. The journey is winding down, with a mere 100 miles remaining, and yet seems to be at it's peak. My feeble attempts to convey the richness of the experience seemed cheap and are thwarted by the limits of my vocabulary. The details of daily life, the distances, heights of mountains, size of hail, temperatures- these are all but menial. The aches, pains, and hunger fade into the background (well, not so much the hunger, that stays pretty relevant), and the rest goes ignored in the light of what cannot be put into words.
It is the sound of leaves dying and falling from trees, the harsh sting of wind on flesh, the way the rain smells before it even begins. It is sitting together in comfortable silence, observing and absorbing beauty without a need to explain or document it. It is learning how to feel, how to be. It is having the freedom to bare one's soul and essence in a pure, almost childlike way, without the societal confines that dictate what characteristics are acceptable or attractive. It is facing the good, the bad, and ugly within yourself and others. It is humbling, it is painful, it is raw. And can be frightening. But it is also rewarding and can bring peace and contentment, and the ability to find those things in unideal situations.
There is a quiet intensity in this blatant, intentional way of life and interacting. I am acutely aware of the passing of time, and in that awareness, face both great anticipation and deep sadness. Yet in both of those I find that I wish to neither hasten nor slow time's passage. No matter how beautiful or precious a moment, it cannot be held forever. Things cannot go back to the way they once were, nor can I go back to the way I was before.
I share this not in an attempt to elicit understanding, as I know that would be impossible, just as
I know this may all be perceived as the idealistic ramblings of one who has lived too long in the woods. That is ok, though I assure you the transformation is real, and ongoing (I certainly still have much to learn). Instead I share it for the following reasons: First, to encourage you to continuously try to discover and pursue the things that are most important in your life and relationships, and find what speaks to your heart. And second, to ask that you please be gracious with me as I return to your world, to drop any expectations you may have of the girl that left you and embrace the one that returns in her place.
This will likely be my last entry as there is little left to say but this: there is so much more to living than being alive. Happy trails!
-Lost N Found
