The Birds and the Bees

A few days ago the boys and I were in the car on our way to baseball practice in Blythewood when out of nowhere Muluken asked "Can every woman have a baby?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You know," he said. "Like can every woman have a baby and how does it start? How does she know it gets in there?"

Ha. I knew this question would eventually come. Ty, who is always quick these days to jump in with an answer whether it's right or wrong, tried to help.

"They just cut that string!" he said.

"What?" Muluken asked.

"That string," Ty explained. "They just cut that string!"

Muluken was confused about this all but knew this didn't sound right. I dove into a really patchwork explanation.

"Well, a girl's body is made so that it can have, uh babies..."

"But this ability doesn't happen until a certain age...like it can't do what it needs to until it's ready."

What am I saying???

"And at some point it goes away and her body can't have babies in it anymore."

There, that about sums it up.

"I don't get it," Muluken said.

"Yeah, me either," I answered.

I remember having the "sex talk" when I was about Muluken's age. I had taken to using some language I had picked up at school that I didn't really understand. Around the time I tried using it at church my dad decided it was time to clear some things up. He explained as much to me as he probably felt I needed to know. The discussion ended with a promise to talk about it again in another year or two. I was in no hurry. I don't imagine he was either. Fortunately he either lost his nerve or forgot.

"What if the girl doesn't want it?" Muluken asked. "What if it's in there but she didn't want it?"

Given what we know about pregnancy and the circumstances that can sometimes lead to it this question makes sense. However, it was clear from Muluken's questions that he thought those babies just magically appear in women's tummies and that maybe sometimes they weren't so pleasantly surprised.

"No Muluken," I said. "They don't get it in there if they don't want it."

I know this wasn't really true but I wasn't so sure this was a discussion to have in front of Ty. Muluken, sure. Ty, no. I imagined his teachers coming to me to ask why he's talking about penises and vaginas at recess.

Confused by our discussion, Muluken turned to a related topic. Marriage.

"When you get married do you have to stand in front of all those people and kiss?" he asked.

"Yeah but it's not a big kiss," I explained. "Although sometimes people don't have big weddings in front of people."

"Will I have to?" he asked.

"Probably," I said. "Girls usually like the idea of a wedding with guests and things."

"That's why I don't like girls," he shouted. "They always want the opposite of everything I do!"

In the end he decided that maybe he could magically turn into a horse for the wedding and then go back to being a boy afterward. Somehow in his nine-year-old mind this made sense and was a logical solution to kissing the bride. A beautiful young woman marrying a horse.

But then again, given my help up to this point in the discussion maybe I should withhold judgment. Rather, I'll take two years to regroup and try again. Or else lose my nerve or forget.