New Yorker cartoonist Roz Chast recently published a book detailing the things in life she hates, or at the very least make her uncomfortable. Hearing this I thought...Gee, I could do that. I hate things too! Not a whole lot of things. But surely at least one thing for every letter of the alphabet. Right? Well, I thought I might find out. So here goes my list...
A - ABBA. This one almost seems too easy. Bjorn Ulvaeus, before forming ABBA, played in a group called the Hootenanny Singers. Benny Andersson played keyboards in a band called the Hep Stars. During a time when the US music scene was exploring sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll Sweden was falling in love with groups called the Hootenanny Singers and the Hep Stars. What a bunch of squares! I'm tempted to put Sweden on my list.
Other contenders: abacuses, abstract art, accordions, airports, allergies, alpacas, ammunition, armpits, and the entire American Pie movie franchise.
B - BALLET. I once worked in a district where every third grade classroom had to attend a performance of The Nutcracker as performed by a local ballet company. It was terrible. It was slow, made no sense, and really long. The kid next to me fell asleep less than half way through. I was tempted to do the same but felt that, as the teacher, it would be inappropriate.
Other contenders: baboons, barbed wire, barking, Bassett Hounds, baths, billboards, baby blue, and the Boston Red Sox.
C - CANADA. First, it's really cold in Canada. I once heard a comedian complain about all the Canadians who visit California and say "I really love it here but I could never stay because I love the seasons too much." His response? "Yeah, I love the seasons too. That's why I live somewhere that skips all the shitty ones!" More reasons to hate Canada? Dan Aykroyd, Justin Bieber, Tom Greene, Corey Haim, Norm MacDonald, Alan Thicke, and William Shatner.
Other contenders: Conway Twitty,cancer, croutons, camels, cellulite, Chevelles, camouflage, cannibalism, and Celtic dance.
...to be continued.
You struck gold here, Chris. Gold. Think of all the posts to come. With three down and 23 to go, this could carry you to the next year - and beyond! This could almost write itself. I would totally copy you on this (as I did with the Skymall thing) but you will have taken all the best ones. Well played. Although I could begin with Z and work my way forward. Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see what you do with the X. It's sort like the Rhode island of the 50 states. I was looking through this dictionary at my mom's the other day. A big fat one with paper thin pages. Tens of thousands of words. There were less than two pages on that good old X. And they were all words you've never heard of. I mean we all know X-ray and Xylophone. Those are the fall backs, right? I mean you've got to have something with a picture on those alphabet cards that the early childhood teachers put up above the teaching boards.
Gotta disagree about Dan Akyroid though.
I agree with O'Keefe on Dan Akyroid and I can not believe Conway Twitty was listed before Cancer? What's up with armpits and Bassett Hounds?? I don't even know you.
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