When Lyrics Go Bad

A few days ago I picked up my guitar and began strumming it just before the end of our school day.

'I'm thinking maybe we could take what we've been learning about slavery, abolitionists, and the Civil War and write another song together," I said. "A lot of the stuff we've been noticing and talking about would be good to share out. Do you have any ideas?"

This is often how it starts. Not always, but often. I notice something we've been doing that might make a decent song and we start fiddling around with it ten and fifteen minutes at a time until we have enough to really dig in and flush it out. I kept strumming.

"So what do you think?" I asked. "Who has a line to get us started?"

There's a time for hand-raising. Songwriting generally is not that time. A couple of the kids called out the first thing that came to their mind.

"Slavery is wrong!"
"It's not our color but what's under our skin!"
"Our differences don't matter!"

I nodded my head in agreement.

"Those are some powerful ideas," I said. "We just need to make them sound like a song lyric. Something we'd hear on the radio. How about the whole idea that many of the heroes we've been learning about aren't the ones you hear about on television or in the textbook? Could we do something with that?"

Madison's face lit up. "You don't have to be Superman to be a hero."

"Yeah," I said. "You don't have to be Superman. And you don't have to have a gun or sword."

"That's good," someone called out.

That was as far as we got. We threw a few more things around but they didn't stick. Later I shared this with my buddy Tim who teaches next door. Tim writes all kinds of songs with his kids that are often far more sophisticated than our simple rhythms and melodies. I told him about our one line, You don't have to be Superman to be a hero, as well as Jack's idea to include information about the abolitionists we admired and Hannah's idea to end the song with a message that we could all be heroes and stand up for what we feel is right.

"Oh man," he said. "That's it. That song will just write itself."

Except it didn't. We've worked at it a little bit to no avail. Sometimes the process is so easy. Other times not. Songwriting can be a challenge. Even for the pros.

Last weekend Tricia and I were about to go to bed when I picked up the remote and flipped through the stations. I came across Austin City Limits, a live-performance music show that's been around for 35 years (making it the longest running music show on television). ACL features all sorts of musicians, from Willie Nelson to Jack Johnson to Etta James. Some are legends, others are a flash-in-the-pan, and a few are bands you've never even heard of. I imagine it's the variety that makes the show so cool. I hardly ever watch it but I certainly appreciate that it exists.

So I waited to find out who was going to be on and was excited to see it was REM. Growing up, they were one of my favorite bands. I could name at least one or two dozen songs of theirs that I still really love. That's not true of many of the bands I liked as a teenager.

I settled in as Tricia, realizing we weren't going to bed after all, collapsed into her chair and quickly fell to sleep. A few songs in it was obvious this wasn't going to be a "greatest hits" performance. The songs were all new and, sadly, not that great. Worse of all were the lyrics. They were just silly.

I feel like an alligator
Climbing up the escalator
Climbing up the escalator
I feel strong

I feel like an aviator pilot
Thinks you wouldn't buy it
I'm feeling violent
Beat your bleeding eye in
Hey, hey, alligator, you've got a lot to learn
I have, have got a lot to learn


Uh, what? I can only hope the next song is better.

I would dare you, but I know I don't need to
You're going to do just what you want to
You're going to take the leading chair at the fairground
You're going to sing the praises of your fruit

Mine smell like honey, uh!
Mine smell like honey, uh!
Mine smell like hu- hu- hu- honey, uh!

Guess not. Suddenly I found myself doubting my entire taste in music. Could the old songs have been this bad? The power of internet soon helped me find my answer.


Orange Crush (An old favorite of mine)

Follow me, don’t follow me
I’ve got my spine, I’ve got my orange crush
Collar me, don’t collar me
I’ve got my spine, I’ve got my orange crush
We are agents of the free
I’ve had my fun and now its time to
Serve your conscience overseas
(over me, not over me)
Coming in fast, over me

Radio Free Europe (Another old favorite)

Beside yourself if radio's gonna stay.
Reason: it could polish up the grey.
Put that, put that, put that up your wall
That this isn't country at all

Raving station, beside yourself

Keep me out of country in the word
Deal the porch is leading us absurd.
Push that, push that, push that to the hull
That this isn't nothing at all


Ugh. When I was younger I think I just assumed I wasn't smart enough, or at least deep enough, to understand the meanings of these songs. Now, though, I think maybe they just don't make any sense at all.


So I set out to find other examples of really bad lyrics. Many of these proved that making sense still doesn't make it good...

"There's an insect
In your ear
If you scratch
It won't disappear"

U2 - Staring at the Sun

I guess it was an easy rhyme?

"There were plants
And birds
And rocks
And things"

America - Horse With No Name

This is a popular choice with many people. Things?

"Coast to coast
L.A. to Chicago"

Sade - Smooth Operator

In her defense she wasn't from the States. But still...


He could throw that speed ball by you
Make you look like a fool

Bruce Springstein - Glory Days

A fastball is a pitch in baseball. A speedball....well you'd have to ask Jim Belushi. If you could.

Someone always playing corporation games

Who cares they’re always changing corporation names

We just want to dance here someone stole the stage

They call us irresponsible write us off the page

Starship - We Built This City

Picking on Starship is almost TOO easy. Fight the power, Starship!

Muskrat Susie

Muskrat Sam

Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land

And they shimmy

And Sammy's so skinny

Captain and Tennille - Muskrat Love

This song truly makes me wonder why I was so concerned about the forced rhymes my third graders were coming up with. Compared to this we were pretty much functioning on the same plane as Don McClean.

My all time favorite, though, comes from Alanis Morissette. She wrote a song titled "Ironic." Sadly, nothing in it was at all ironic. A bummer, yes. Ironic, no.

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

There are of course many, many examples of really good lyrics. Some even come from REM. However, this post is getting awfully lengthy so I'll save those for another day. In researching these lyrics I came across a story about Michael Stipe and his lyric writing. He evidently commented during a show in 1999 that people shouldn't spend their time on the internet trying to make sense of lyrics. Some songs, he said, make sense and others don't. I guess so long as they sound good in your ear that should be enough.


So that may well become my mantra as we work to finish our song. It may be pedestrian. It may be trite. But hopefully it'll sound good in our ears.


You don't need to be Superman
To make a difference in our land
You just have to know right from wrong
And trust your heart - - - stay strong