Last week, during our Thanksgiving Break, I took Mulken to Urgent Care to have an x-ray taken from his hand. He had twisted it awkwardly and then fallen on top of it during PE. Well, not technically DURING gym class but while he sitting on the floor goofing around before the teacher was ready to begin. Earlier this year Ty broke his arm at school during Sports Club. Well, not DURING sports club. It was while goofing around in line after sports club. Huh, a pattern?
Anyway, it was a rainy morning and I was supposed to drop the girls off at the horse farm for a lesson and then take Muluken to the doctor. But because the rain wouldn't relent I wound up sitting in the tiny waiting room with both Muluken and the girls. Waiting. And waiting. If our kids were allowed to carry around electronics during every part of the day they would have had their faces buried in Instagram posts or Mine Craft. Probably, this would have made the waiting room more bearable.
As it was the only thing we had to distract ourselves was a rack of magazines and a really loud television blaring down at us from above. I wanted to choose the magazines, I really did. But I saw the 700 Club was on and having seen it just a few months ago in another waiting room (Jiffy Lube's) I couldn't resist an opportunity to sit and become annoyed by the farce that is Pat Robertson. Why do we voluntarily do this to ourselves?
I squirmed. I sighed. I asked out loud to anyone who would listen, "Is Urgent Care a religious organization?" A few people met my gaze but no one responded. I sighed again and slouched in my chair. Looking over I saw that all three of my kids were watching me. And Harper was smirking.
"What?" I asked. "Why would they put this on in a waiting room?"
Harper and I are religious opposites. She goes to church every Sunday morning and most weeks she attends a Wednesday night youth group. I on the other hand...well, I don't. So I'm careful in how I relate my discomfort with some actions of organized religion. I want Harper to consider multiple perspectives on religion yet still feel supported in making her own decisions. As for me, I appreciate that people feel so fulfilled by their convictions and beliefs. I don't necessarily appreciate when they use those same beliefs to try to coerce (with sponsored charity), guilt (with conditional acceptance or love), or threaten (with condemnation) non-believers or those of other religions.
Guess who does coerce and condemn? A lot? I mean....a whole, whole lot?
Pat Robertson.
In our half hour of sitting there Pat Robertson showed us how God and the 700 Club helps poor black kids. "What's wrong with that?" Muluken asked. "Nothing is wrong with helping others," I responded. "But before this commercial how many other black people have we seen on this channel? You know, other than the ones that are poor and need to be supported? Yes, we need to help those in need. But how is this show and all it's commericals for other programs on this channel portraying black people?"
In our time there Pat Robertson and his co-host jointed hands, squinted their eyes shut real tight, and prayed for God to heal their viewers of headaches and stomach aches. This was followed by a short testimonial from a woman who had been to numerous doctors for stomach pain. She had nearly missed Thanksgiving as she sat on her couch in great discomfort. But then Pat Robertson had led a prayer through the television and she felt God reach down and take away her pain. Thanksgiving was saved. The kids really enjoyed watching me during this segment. "What?" I blurted out. "Stop staring at me." "Dad," Harper said, "The look on your face is hilarious!" "Well," I answered, "this is ridiculous. Really, he's healing people through the television. I guess none of us even needed to come to Urgent Care today. We just needed to watch the 700 Club. And I love that he's helping God do this. Would God need his help, really? And why is it only headaches and stomach aches? Why not kids with cancer? Surely they deserve it the most. And why don't they share the stories of the thousands who might watch this show and NOT be healed. Although my experience is that headaches and stomach aches ALWAYS go away so I guess he's pretty smart to do this. Right? He's preying on people." They all just smiled back at me.
In our time there Pat Robertson played many commercials selling various DVDs designed to make our lives better. He was featured in each and every DVD and surely makes a nice profit - both for himself and his church. It's a business.
Finally, Muluken looked over at me and asked why I disliked this program so much.
"Because this guy's evil!" I said. "There are many people out there who are guided to do and say loving things in the name of their religion. He is not one of them. He spews hatred, intolerance, and fear about people who are not just like him - namely, white, male, and Christian."
I then pulled out my own electronic (as an adult I"m allowed to bring mine along). I used my phone to search Pat Robertson on Google and share a few quotes he has made over the past couple of years. Here they are.
On accepting and loving gays and lesbians, namely the photos they post on Facebook of embraces or kisses...
"You've got a couple of same-sex guys kissing, do you like that? Well that makes me want to throw up. To me I would punch "Vomit' not 'Like.' But they don't give you that option on Facebook."
On men who cheat, and the women who are to blame for this...
"Males have a tendency to wander a little bit. And what [women] want to do is make a home so wonderful he doesn't want to wander."
On men whose wives have been stricken with Alzheimers...
"I know it sounds cruel, but if he is going to do something he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her. [Alzheimers is] a kind of death."
On the role of the male...
"I know this is painful for the ladies to hear but if you get married you've accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household, and the husband is the head of the wife. That's just the way it is. Period."
On gays and lesbians...
"Many of those people involved in Adolf Hitler were Satanists. Many were homosexuals. The two things seem to go together."
On the tornadoes in the Midwest that killed so many...
"If enough people were praying [God] would have intervened. You could pray. Jesus stilled the storm. You can still storms."
There were also things about the Haitians getting what they deserved. And strokes being a divine act of God on those who do not toe the line. And mass murders being a morality check.
Tricia eventually came to pick the girls up leaving me and Muluken to spend another few hours waiting. When I got home Tricia said "I heard you had a good time watching the 700 Club."
"Dad, you were HILARIOUS," Harper laughed. "You're face just kept getting all twisted up!"
I can only wonder what we'll see next time we're at Urgent Care (and believe me, there will be a next time). If they enjoyed my reactions to Pat Robertson they might really love Fox News.
